Time for Some #Winning

Yes, there IS sexism where you work. You are just blind to it. 

Several years ago I had lunch with a long time friend, who happens to be a male. We’ve known each other for decades, and he’s someone I respect not only as a good person and friend, but as a professional in the shared overall industry and area we work in.

The lunch was to ask his advice, yet again, on suggestions for navigating the networking and career opportunities around, as I’d found myself working in a situation that just didn’t sit right. He saw how deflated I was, and was genuinely concerned. As we spoke I admitted I didn’t know if it was the region, or just my finally giving up and stopping the rationalization, but the institutionalized misogyny was just getting too grating to dismiss and pretend wasn’t there.

He was surprised. We’d both grown up in the same area of NJ years ago, moved to this area at different times. I said I didn’t know if our home region was any different, but at this point in my life I’m just so fed up with the unrelenting digs that happen nearly every moment of every day that it’s exhausting. I don’t know that I’d ever been this straightforward with him, or with others, about my frustrations. I even surprised myself, for once breaking the cycle of self-blame and doubt to clearly lift my head up and see what was happening.

His response shattered me.

He said it must be where I am, because he doesn’t see that at all where he is.

No. I bet he didn’t.

This discussion took place before the 2016 Presidential campaign began.

I think back to that lunch, and his response was as honest as it gets. I don’t begrudge him that, and I know his response was in no way personal, despite being intensely personal in suggesting it’s somehow just me. Just as women have been taught to unknowingly compartmentalize, so have men. I honestly believe he doesn’t see the harassment and mistreatment, and doesn’t see the privilege that he benefits from. That in no way is meant to suggest that he does not deserve the success he’s had, he absolutely does. He is one of the smartest, hardest working, kindest, dedicated people I know.

But I am one of those people, too.

And I’m tired of the lesser folks always “winning”.

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Late in the Evening

As I sat at my desk finishing up a project, the lights dimmed a bit. He walked over to me and began to massage my shoulders, and gently asked how much longer I’d be.

“I’m close, almost done with this section, then I’ll call it a night.”

His hands slide down to my upper arms as he bent down behind my chair, resting his chin on the back of it, as his cheek grazed my neck. I could feel his hot breath blowing down the neck of my shit.

“Anything I can help with?” he asked.

“Nope,” I responded quietly, but sternly, sending the signal that I was not responding to his unspoken gestures. I could feel his hands tighten a bit on my arms, then abruptly release. He let out a short, annoyed sigh, and left the room.

I knew I had irritated him by rebuffing him, and quickly finished up what I was doing, and shut down my computer.

I then grabbed my wallet and keys and hurried to my car and left, knowing the next day he would act out, being angry and resentful towards me, harping on details and demeaning me.


The above wasn’t an interaction between two consenting adults in a dysfunctional romantic relationship, it was a repeated scenario between me and my then business partner and boss.

This happens every day, in every industry, to women everywhere.

#bebrave #StandWithWomen #BelieveWomen #SupportWomen #YesAllWomen

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Protesting is Patriotic

“Once a government is committed to the principle of silencing the voice of opposition, it has only one way to go, and that is down the path of increasingly repressive measures, until it becomes a source of terror to all its citizens and creates a country where everyone lives in fear.” ― Harry Truman


Putting aside the statements from the President of the United States calling a citizen a ‘son of a bitch’, his previous tweets about POTUS involvement when it was another president, let’s take a look at what hoopla is all about.

#TakeTheKnee

What it means

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Rose Garden Dread

Mark Kasowitz, Trump's LawyerOn a stunningly perfect Friday afternoon, as the day was drawing to an early close, he sat sat down at the desk to finish up loose ends. In the background the news was on, providing both the distraction noise to remain focused, and the link to the world , just in case something happened.

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Speaking Truth to Power

Speaking Truth to Power

We watch TV, movies, where scripts clearly and definitely lay out evidence, behaviors, stagings to ensure we get the message loud and clear. The goal of those are to provide the audience with a clear, clear message, from start to finish, without too much distraction and confusion.

Life isn’t like that. Life isn’t scripted.

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Positivity and the Comey Hearing

We are about 24 hours away from what is being billed as a pre-summer blockbuster, which undoubtedly will disappoint both sides. I choose to be positive, and allow my inner nerd revel in the nuance of language that will be used, as adults from both sides of the panel offer in posturing, showing their loyalties in their questions. Are they loyal to country? Constituents? Party? Self?

Of course we want him to say

“ya know what, as I sit here there are 72 people being arrested, and one being removed for further neurological testing in a secure, penal facility.”

Of course he can’t live up to that.

But … I let my imagination take me to my happy place (don’t you DARE mock my coping skills!) and project how part will go. Continue reading

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The Best Video Ever

Because we all aspire to be this confident!

This is an oldie, but a goodie, and it still amazes me that this is my own kid.

 

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1994: The Year of the Real Bankruptcy

1994 The Real Bankruptcy

1994 was the year Donald Trump broke, when the real personal bankruptcy took place, changing the course for the future; his and ours.

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