[another oldie but goodie being moved over from Facebook. Enjoy]
What follows was my present to myself when I turned 40. It was a chance for a clean start. I posted it on ebay and it finally sold, for $4.64, after being relisted twice.
Offered for purchase: Previously unused POTENTIAL.- NIB
Each person is born into this world with seemingly unlimited potential. Some actually have unlimited potential, some have limited quantities, and some are in desperate need of others willing to share theirs. I have recently been sorting through my life and have come across this whole wad of unused POTENTIAL. I was one of those who had the oodles of POTENTIAL — genetics provided me with the POTENTIAL intellectual gifts beyond comprehension. If the whole is more than the sum of it’s parts, my personality could have been one of the wonders of the world. My career path could really have been anything, from bee farmer to astronaut, or both and everything in between. The world truly was my oyster and all I had to do was reach just a smidgeon of my POTENTIAL to be an incomparable success.
Alas, I didn’t. You see, making use of POTENTIAL is apparently a CHOICE one has to make for him or herself, and I didn’t do that. I followed what I was told, I did all I was supposed to do. At somepoint upon becoming an adult, where control of one’s own POTENTIAL is transferred, without any pomp and circumstances (and no cash gifts) from parent to child, something was forgotten. I had other things on my mind. I have no idea what those things were, but I’m sure they were INCREDIBLY important at the time.
So I continued through life weaving my way around, utterly unaware of my POTENTIAL just packed away collecting dust there next to the other wads of missed opportunities, the ships passing in the night and stopping only briefly to refuel as they steamed on past my existence. Opportunity probably knocked, but I was in one of my dark goth phases, so I ignored the door, assuming it was yet another pompous esoterical wannabe friend who was beneathe me.
Years passed and I continued weaving through life. Never finding that one thing I would be able to use my POTENTIAL for. I was a phenomenal researcher, but without a topic of interest. A great writer, but no subject appealed to me. A huge sense of humor with a death grip fear of public speaking. A tone deaf lover of music. An inventor without technical skills or ability, a skilled scientist with an incomprehensible lack of interest in detail.
Many an aquaintance has noted what a great POTENTIAL I had for the legal profession. The research talents, interview skills, ability to make a point. All great attributes for a successful career. But an utter lack of respect for authority, complete lack of patience, and endless frustration at the disparity between logic and law eliminated that option.
No, perhaps one day I would find a use for my POTENTIAL, but for now, I’ll save it …
And there it lies, this wonderful wad of unused POTENTIAL, hidden under the mattress getting no light, air or use.
This auction is for the right to use over 35 years of actual unused POTENTIAL Not a LICK of it was ever used. Nothing, nada, zip, zero. Still in it’s original packaging. Don’t believe me? Trust me, ask my mother … I haven’t used ANY of it. Forget the contender, I could have been Don King!! I could have come up with the creative design for the Elmo TMX. iPod Schmipod, and forget Ginsu Knives and the egg separator. I would have blasted past all of those. I could have whooped Donald Trump’s butt in real estate and business deals. Did I? Did I even take a teensy bit of my POTENTIAL and apply it? Nope. Not one little bit.
How can you be SURE it’s completely unused? How’s this … all this POTENTIAL, all this creativity, talent, intellect, opportunity … and what do I do? I’m a project manager for a web company is East Butt, USA. Who aspires to that as a kid????
I ask you, as you look into the faces of your friends, your parents, your kids, your mates … don’t you see the potential? Don’t you just WISH you had a little more that you could offer them? Take mine. Seriously. I’m not using it. I’m willing to share 35 years of my Complete Set, Never Opened, In Original Package, Never Reached, Never Tapped POTENTIAL. (I can live off the interest of the next 5 years of potential … kinda give myself a clean slate, and help wipe away that crushing sense of guilt in utter disappointment I feel in looking into the eyes of those who knew ….)
Makes a Great Gift!! Just in time for the holidays!! Gift Wrap Available at additional cost.
- all content is copyrighted and my property — no use without permission is allowed. If you DO try to steal this auction, it’s idea or writing without my express written permission, you will need to visit the Karma Repair website (www.karmarepair.com) to save your soul, and you should not be buying this Potential as clearly you intend to use it for evil. I reserve the right to refuse any bidders and to end this auction early if it gets out of hand.
- This auction is listed using part of the Potential that is not currently offered for sale.
- The Design of this auction is kept simple so as to not use any of the Potential offered in this auction.
Special note to Satan:
The POTENTIAL is unopened and unused, so it should be relatively protected by the original packaging (not my skin or body), but let’s face it kids, it’s 35 years old and likely as worn, deflated and crumbled as I am.
The original packaging is NOT me, it’s not my skin, my body or my soul. POTENTIAL itself is intangible. You will receive a signed title turning over ownership of the first 35 years of potential that I did not use.
You’ve GOT to be kidding. Did you really think I’d offer to take back this potential? I’ve had enough grief holding on to it this long and not using it, so now you’d want to return it? Get real, that’s just ridiculous.
POTENTIAL offered here for sale is still in it’s original packaging and is new, unused. This POTENTIAL does NOT come from a smoke free, pet free home. If you sat on your excessive potential for as long as I did, do you really think you wouldn’t smoke like a chimney too? Any expectation that this would not be exposed to smoke, pets, spittle, bodily fluids, profanity, extreme weather conditions and other undesireable elements is unwarranted and not supported in this description.
This POTENTIAL is not guaranteed to be successful as you will have the ability and free will to apply it and apply it properly. I sure didn’t, that’s why I’m selling it. Seller is not responsible for the inability or lack of ambition to apply said POTENTIAL.
This auction does not include any royalties, income or successes that may or may not have occurred during the first 35 years of my life. This auction or the payment for this auction entitles the user ONLY to the POTENTIAL, and nothing whatsoever tangible or claim rights to anything that has occurred or will occur in my life. You as the buyer have no claim whatsoever to any accomplishments, tangible or not, nor any faults, tangible or not, thus far in my life.
If you have any questions, please ask prior to bidding. You are REQUIRED to pay for this item if you win it via PayPal.
[witten by Laurissa Doonan, 12/06]