Yes, I got hooked. It’s silly, really, since I’m not getting married and even when I did we didn’t do that whole “wedding” thing, I don’t cook, am not into manicures because I’m concerned about the nail polish being eaten by the dogs as they chew on my fingers and one of my birds apparently thinks nail files are represent the bird devil. I don’t garden or craft, barely remember to brush my hair, let alone braid it in 14 different directions, and am not fully sold on the value of organizing my closet.
So why am I on Pinterest? Humor, snark, dogs, and finding stuff I can covet. Yes, Pinterest is apparently the social media platform of sinners. I’m down with that.I recently saw something I liked.
It’s pretty, isn’t it? This is the Burberry ‘House Check’ Hobo. I’ll never have it, though. And this is where Aesop comes in. Bring on the Sour Grapes!
As of today, according to the Nordstrom website, this bag is available for a mere $1,295.00. For a purse. Really? Granted, I get the whole “I just spent a boatload of cash on a purse, which you can tell by the advertised well known pattern, so I must have mental health issues and therefore you must take care and keep your distance.” Ok, so wait, that’s an appealing aspect and certainly makes the price more rational. But I fear that it would attract another type of attention, particularly from those who feel that by owning this bag I am a de facto member of their elitist club and mistakenly think that makes me approachable by “their kind”. No.
Those straps all around are lovely, in the picture. Imagine it in real life. Seriously people, this is an advertising shot, in real life I can’t even manage getting my big old ham hands into the wide mouth opening to feel around trying to find my keys, which are on the worlds biggest key chain because I am incapable of remembering what all the keys are for and am terrified of removing even one because the minute I do I will need it. So I’d forever be getting the keys and other things enmeshed in the straps thinking I dropped something into the bag, but it ended up attached, dangling perilously, from the outer straps, eventually causing me to lose my keys, wallet, and that damn tube of lip gloss I spent a strange amount of time every day looking for because it keeps slipping out of pockets, bags and even my hand.
Look at the shoulder strap, now figure out how high that sits — can you imagine spending that much money on a bag that when you ARE coordinated enough to keep it on your shoulder will end up smelling like pits? But you know it won’t stay up, it never does. That just means it will slide off all the time, and not gracefully, either, smacking into me and messing up all those perfectly places straps. They’ll end up gathering all at the bottom, squeezing the lower end of the bag so that my crap starts to spill out the top.
Usability and Coordination
I can just imagine how many times I’d walking, on the phone, thinking I have it all together (which I so don’t) and then I go to grab something from the bag while not fully concentrating on navigating the bag, get my arm caught in the decorative leather bands, try to extricate myself and end up falling and looking like an ass. And the bag of course will end up in a mud puddle, even if it’s a drought, and that’ll end up costing more than the ER copay to get the cast off 6 weeks later.
And so yep, THAT’S why I’ll never get the bag, yep, sure, that’s it.
The Moral of the Story
As a mature, responsible adult, who of course spends odd amounts of time on a social media platform that seems strangely inappropriate for me, I have learned to use my well learned coping skills of logic and rationale to curb my impulses of materialism and consumerism.
In other words, yeah, I can spin that.