Good Witch or Bad Witch? Bite Me


Ever have one of those Wizard of Oz Days?

Look, it sucks, I know, the house dropped on the sister, but shit, it’s not like it was my fault. It’s called nature, I didn’t do it. And as for you, Glinda, good witch my ass. You stole the damn shoes and seared them on my feet. I don’t like heels, and I never wanted them, but now I’m on this f’ing journey because you, oh mighty good witch, took advantage of the situation and put me at risk to do your dirty work.

Then I’ve got all these fricken’ munchkins chasing me around. At least they helped and showed me the start of the yellow brick road to get the hell out of dodge and hopefully a little direction or assistance.

So along the way I meet these pathetic freaks with excuses, all who want something from me. Look, it’s true, they pointed out the yellow brick road because the start wasn’t obvious. But where you are? It’s right there. I mean, how the hell do you think I saw you? I stayed on the same road and lo and behold, there you were.

689824You, scarecrow. Always using your lack of a brain as an excuse. Oh, woe is me, I’m just stupid so I’ll be a dumbass here forever. And you lion. Quit your whining. Get your big boy panties on and stand up. Enough. Tin man, oil your own damn joints before they go stiff. It’s just irresponsible and pathetic to whine that no one takes care of you.

So fine, tag along you misfits, I’ll handle this shit, and get us to the one everyone says can help. Oh, and he has to be a big ass scary freak show, right? And we have to dress up and be presentable for the egomaniac. Fine.

But what, we have to do stuff? Ok, I guess that makes sense, but send me, me, to kill your witch bitch who’s already pissed off at me for something I didn’t do, and now I have to be a real threat to her? And you don’t give me any info or warning? Fuck you. Fine. Oh, and deal with the threats along the way that you so conveniently forgot to mention and were too much of a wuss to deal with? The monkeys, and great, now I’m running out of time and drowning, and you’re all hiding and not helping. Awesome. So fine, it’s done, your dirty work. And you try to renege, because you never expected me to be successful on this wild goose chase of yours?

Wizard-of-Oz-Caps-the-wizard-of-oz-2028565-720-536Oh, I get it, you sent me out on an un-winnable task, and then I won. So now your un-winnable task is done, and you look stupid because you allowed it to hang over you and everyone for so long and now you look like a weak-ass failure. And turns out you are, just a little man behind the curtain with fake powers and your only manner of being is through fear, because you have nothing real to back it up with.

So then, at least then you turn human, and offer to help, but your incompetence in the ability to man the balloon even is too much and you fail me, at every step of the way.

Oh goodie. Now you tell me that I have the power to do it myself. Thanks for that, and I would have eventually figured it out but I was busy dealing with all this other crap to actually focus, and you’re gonna try to make me look like the distracted lazy ass? Bitch, please, of course I’ll do it myself, since no one else is reliable or accountable, and since they got their’s … whatever.

Yeah, you all got your shit, I just wanna go home.Next time I’ll try my luck with the tornado!

UPDATE: I need to add this. When Dorothy returns home she is gaslighted over what happened, and told it was all her fault for wanting more, and having dreams. And finally, let’s not forget she was upset because the town, once again, refused to stand up to the bully who took her dog. 

I’m saddened as I used to love this movie, but cannot stand what the Hollywood version of this story has helped normalize in our society.


About Laurissa Doonan

I'm a marketer. I've been a professional marketer for over 25 years, but in reality, I have always been one. Marketing to me is about communicating effectively, regardless of platform, regardless of channel. Marketing is understanding both your objectives and your audience, and finding the right method and message for your customers to reach them where they are. Now I dedicate my efforts to helping very small and small companies pursue their passions and grow their businesses through marketing; providing agency trained expertise without the overhead.
This entry was posted in Humor and Comedy, Oddities and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s