Our Language Defines Us … or does it?


How many times have you heard it said that our language defines us. First it was anthropology courses, as the idea of communication emerged. If you were like me, you wondered why you never heard it in English and writing classes, and then slowly, over late night deep soul discussions with a side of imbibeables, realized it so totally did.

Then it was in leadership courses and coaching sessions, and in at least half of the business articles you reach about emotional intelligence and communication skills.

Over and over and over again, HOW to communicate, when no one is doing it anyway. We’re focusing entirely on HOW we say something and end up not saying it at all.

Writers are always told to write as you speak. But when we’re told how to speak, we lose our voice.

Enter the anti-politically correct movement.
Wait, no. No. That’s not right.

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HB2 in North Carolina is not about safety, it’s about discrimination and segregation


The fight for gender-specific bathrooms, or rather, against gender neutral bathrooms or the right for individuals to choose which is most appropriate for them, is in no way related to the bullshit cover suggesting they are protecting our women and children from potential sexual assault. It’s just not.

And never before in our history has that been clearer, as we hear more and more court outcomes and the ensuing reactions as the victims are damned and the guilty are given lenience. The suggestion that these decisions are designed to protect the innocent are as false as the integrity of those saying it.

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​An Open Letter to the Media

This entire discussion and controversy is unconscionable. For WEEKS, trumplestilskiens have been promoting conpiracy theories, easily debunked, about HRC’S health, and the media has allowed and perpetuated it, ignoring the detailed health information she had already released. Yes, it was in letter form, but it was detailed with the very information you are now seeking. Instead you mention it as a letter from her doctor, giving it the same weight as the mockery the other side put out.

Now you, the media, is horrified that the campaign is not being transparent about an illness? When you and the Trump campaign are touting stories of non-existent body doubles, diseases, and such, you ask “why didn’t she come out and just say she had this passing treatable illness?” Are you kidding me?

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The Bully Gamble

Have you ever played the slots? You know how you keep pumping money into it? Then you have to pull the lever to see the outcome because you never know? In goes what you set aside to play with. In goes this week’s check.

Then, as you start to get frustrated, out pops a win. You’re hooked, and almost even. In goes again, the overspend you just won back. Little by little. A little win, but enough to give hope.

In goes the rent money, you can make that up by working harder. A little win comes back, but it’s paltry. In goes the car payment.

Why can’t you stop? What’s wrong with me? Oh look, a little win. In goes the last dollar.

You won’t win. It’s calculated to keep you going, giving, until there’s nothing left. Then you’re no longer welcome and ushered out, into the stark, glaring light of day.

Through your tears of self disgust you see all those before you, now standing among you.

But look back. Turn around. The casino is now shuttered. It had to pay one out, and out shut down.

You were a whole person, feeding coins in, over and over, holding out for the promise touted, the excitement, the hype.

The casino, the house, was never a person. Just an algorithm, designed to win, at all costs.

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Signs That You’ve Been Abused by a Narcissist

Very strong and thorough description of the effects of being in a relationship with an Narcissist. This can be a parent/child relationship, domestic, friendship, or in a work setting.

After Narcissistic Abuse



Do you recognize that you’re doubting yourself more than you ever have before?

Victims of narcissistic abuse often appear uncertain of themselves, constantly seeking clarification that they haven’t made a mistake or misheard something.

This reactive adaptation to narcissistic abuse is because the narcissist is ALWAYS finger pointing and shifting blame to YOU for ALL of the ups & downs both in the relationship AND in the narcissist’s personal psyche.
Because this relationship has NON EXISTENT boundaries, you will find YOURSELF constantly PUT UPON and FORCED to accept responsibility for things you didn’t do or say. This borrowed humiliation and shame is exactly what the narcissist intends for the victim to take from the narcissist. Their own unfelt core of shame.



Just refer to the above explanation of self doubt and boundary transgression if you want to understand the CONFUSION that is part and…

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What the hell were you thinking?

You did what?

I had a full time job that paid a decent salary. It wasn’t on par with the market value of the title and defined role, and certainly wasn’t close to what was in line with the responsibilities of what I actually did (which was deliberately made clear by my boss), but it was a decent salary.

What it wasn’t was a decent job.

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Two Words Demonstrate The Problem


Shootings vs. Killings

This is frustrating, the news is pussyfooting around all these discussions. How can we fix the issues, how can we move in the right direction. And the consultants come on and start by giving condolences to the families of the officers in Dallas killed, and then start to discuss the shootings in Minnesota and Baton Rouge. NO ONE CALLS THEM OUT ON THIS.
Even the Head of the Justice Oversight Committee said that. This is not normal. This is not acceptable.
  • How about you give condolences to the families of the two men shot by cops?
  • Why not call them killings and not shootings, making it sound less awful.
  • Why not call it racism? Classicism? Superiority? Power?
  • Listen to that surgeon. In his coat he’s respected. Out of the hospital he feels like a target.
We have to start treating people like people. No, not “go back” to treating people like people, we’ve never done that. Our history doesn’t provide a single point of evidence that says people were ever treated fairly.We treat people like groups, not partners, not equals, not individuals. We need to continue steps in the right direction.

It’s not religion, it’s not millennials, it’s not because kids aren’t being hit with belts or spoons anymore, it’s not because everyone gets a trophy. Everyone above the age of a millennial is DEMANDING a trophy. No, start making an effort.

It starts with respect, and fully accepting that we are ALL CREATED EQUAL. Pretending racism doesn’t exist will ensure this keeps happening, and that blame is rooted in all those who deny it.

So to all the news cycles who allow their guests and their talking heads to offer their condolences to the families in Dallas, but not to the others, and refer to the “killings” in Dallas but the “shootings” in Baton Rouge and Minnesota, you are inflaming the fire due to your lack of awareness.

In all three cities Innocent people were gunned down for a bias of what they represented. In all three cities the actions and behaviors of the murderers were wrong.

There is no difference. If you don’t understand that you are not listening.

So of course all lives matter, start acting like it, but to counter the #BlackLivesMatter movement with that denies the existence of racism, persecution, and oppression that is forced on a group of people based on racism.

To help understand it, compare it to Autism Awareness Month, or Breast Cancer Awareness Month. These two months do not exist to deny rights of those without Autism, or to steal money and research from other cancer treatments.

If you still don’t understand that, then every time you promote your cause of interest, assume others, who think like you, see you as self-centered and evil because by supporting one it means you hate the other.

So go ahead, raise money for seals, or whales, or the disabled, but yours is the face they will see when the heart wrenching ASPCA commercials come on spewing that the dog did something wrong to be dumped or abused, or when they see the starving children, they’ll picture you wagging your finger in disgust because they’re not getting a job.

Education, understanding, awareness, and respect. Find in yourself where and when you ask others to offer those, and grab hold of that, and make it a focal point of your every day life.

Just because something doesn’t happen to you doesn’t mean it isn’t real. 

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